Off the wagon.

I have completely been off the gym wagon. I don’t know exactly what happened. I have a million excuses: my work out partner was gone, I have been sick. I really don’t even want to bore myself with them. There will always be a reason to back out of something, I need to be stronger. I feel like crap, I miss my little endorphin rush. I am feeling fat – I know. It’s just time to get it together. I’ve been drinking Mountain Dew, eating Pizza and have picked up a new candy bar habit! What has gotten into me? I have come so far. When I passed the gym tonight – I missed it. I missed that feeling where I am controlling my body. I am disappointed in myself. I found myself having this conversation with myself today: When I get my eating right, I am going back to the gym.

I spend much time waiting. Waiting for things to be just right. I even use waiting to get things right as an excuse not to go to the gym. I am not waiting anymore. I have waited for everything in this life: for things to be good with my dad, to change my relationship status, to work out, to go on vacation. I am tired of waiting to plan a life – I just want to live this one, without caution.

All dramatic, talking about living with reckless abandon. I am really just talking about getting my fat ass back in the gym.


~ by cutefatgirl on March 19, 2013.

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