My Love/Hate Relationship with Exercise.

I have always hated sweating.  I am not fat only because I love food.  I hate exercise.  All those endorphins that are supposed to be released and make you happy – not so much.  This second, this is still how I feel.  I hate the gym, the elliptical, sweating.   In October it all changed.

In Jamaica, we climbed the Dunns River Falls.  If you never been, it’s a group rock climb up a waterfall.  I wasn’t sure physically I could do it.  I tried anyway – there are exits along the way if you don’t want to finish.  I don’t let my limit me, but I am pretty good at avoiding what I suck at.  I didn’t want to be the only one in our group that didn’t make the climb.  The first part of the climb is the hardest part – as the tour guide kept telling me.  I made the first half…and I was done.  I was heading to the stairs.   The second half is easier – but it is steep and I am afraid of heights.  Faith chided me for quitting.  The tour guide said I am not letting you stop here.  I said I can’t.  I am afraid of heights.  He did not accept that.  He literally held my hand all the way up that waterfall.  I would look only at his feet.  I just knew someone was going to have to call my mama and tell her I didn’t make it.    I got to the top of that waterfall – not on my own, but I got there.

I bought the video… I have watched it several times.  Anytime I feel like doubting myself I am reminded:  I climbed up a fucking waterfall.   I did this.

When I got back home, I reminded myself.  I tried and my body responded: Challenge accepted.   I joined a gym.  I am mostly good at going five days a week.   I feel better than I have ever felt in my life.  This weekend I bought close a size smaller.  I have more stamina and work is much easier.  I have more energy. I think twice before I eat a snickers bar.

Today, when I was feeling particularly bold, I registered to do a mud run.  I would have never imagined doing this a year ago, and today I am feeling confident I can.

I still hate sweating.  I hate exercise.  I hate the gym.

I love the way it makes me feel.

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~ by cutefatgirl on March 5, 2013.

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