I found a post I wrote back on June 8th … just a piece of poetry, but it fit with what I was thinking about writing today.

When I came back I was not the same me, I was broken, wore down and the pieces were all you could see.

I took this time to discover who this girl is, the girl who survives when she is no longer his.

I am a stronger better version of who I was before,this strength and self  love you cannot ignore.

Now that I am who I was meant to be I find myself wanting more,this loneliness, it stays with me to my core.

I see now why I never published it, it is unfinished.  My story is also unfinished, so it works I suppose.  What I have been thinking about today is love.  Your first and last love should always be  self love.

In relationships, even non romantic ones, I try to love the way I want to be loved.  On occasion I find myself feeling disconnected, because I don’t always feel loved the way I need to be.   Sometimes it makes me cranky and feel inadequate.

I have been thinking lately, and it’s okay to tell someone how to love you.  I did it with my mom, and we are currently having the best relationship we have ever had.  I am glad we talked things through, worked on baggage and are enjoying the relationship we have today.  I am also glad we didn’t get our nipples pierced yesterday like I wanted (too many Vodka and Apple Juices for this girl).

The roadblock for me is though how do I want to be loved?  I want to be loved by a man of action.  I want to be loved by someone who values me as much as I value them.  I want someone to not only say I love you, but live I love you.  I want to have in-depth conversation and out of this world sex.  I want to be cherished.  I want open communication.  I want someone in my corner.  I want the fairy tale.

Aren’t I too old to believe in fairy tales?  Even though in relationship history I am rocking a solid D+, I still believe.  I have hope.  I still want it all.  In the end, I want to love someone who loves the way I do.


~ by cutefatgirl on July 31, 2011.

One Response to “Self-Love.”

  1. I want the fairy tale, too. In fact, I demand it. There’s a quote that says, “there are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn’t be one of them.” I believe that more today than I ever have.

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