Tomato Gravy and Hoecake.

Tonight I had dinner at my parents.  I don’t know what got into my mom, but she put it down southern style.  Just like my grandma would have.  We had sweet peas, field peas, hoecake, fried pork chops, mashed potatoes and tomato gravy.   Sitting around the table, it was like I could feel my granny there.

Ruby May passed away when I was 15 years old.  I am sure my memories are tainted in only the way a child can taint them.  I only remember that she was wonderful.  That she loved us very much, she had so much love – for God, for us kids.   Granny was strong and tonight at that dinner table, it was almost like I could smell baby powder and Wrigley’s  spearmint gum.  She always smelled like that.   She had such high hopes for me, her faith was endless.

I am kind of glad that 17 years later, she is not here to see what an epic fail I have made of my life.  For a child raised in such love, I can’t seem to have a functioning relationship.  For a family of talkers, my communication skills can be lame.  For such a smart girl, I am not living up to my potential.

I usually wrap up my posts with a feel good.  You know a “moral of the story”, state my problem and my solution.  I know what my solutions are, I don’t know how to put them in place.  I know the things to remember to adjust my attitude.  I know the change is my own to make, and I am probably just feeling sorry for myself tonight.  In the morning, I am sure I will be good.  I would have slept on it, and woken up with a better attitude.

For tonight, I am just sad.  I wish I could curl up in bed and watch the Waltons with my Granny.  I feel alone and unloved and not very special.

Tomorrow I am sure the obnoxious sunshine will be back, but for tonight I am just going to cry this out.

 

 

 

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~ by cutefatgirl on June 14, 2011.

2 Responses to “Tomato Gravy and Hoecake.”

  1. I’m so sorry. 😦 I sometimes forget things about my grandparents who passed away and it makes me sad.

  2. Thank you… I don’t know what got into me last night. That’s why I love my blog friends.

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