Even if you see the bullet coming…

…when it comes, it still hurts like a bitch.

R told me he was getting married, I knew it was coming.  It happened Saturday.  I had been having all kinds of talks with myself, keeping my mind positive.  God is good, and he knows what he is going.

It still feels like my heart has been put in a blender, pulverized and then shoved back and my chest and being told to beat.

As much as this hurts, I have come to the realization that it really has to be over.  I mean someone else has his name.  I know this is seven months to late, I should have been over it the day I left Georgia.  Love doesn’t work that way, and you can’t make your heart feel something it doesn’t.

I think part of me has been holding on.  R was the one man who was never going to abandon me.  He would love me forever and always be in my corner.  He’s not here, and it stings.

Although I would never ever want to love someone that  strongly again, I am glad I lived through it.  I may be battered and bruised, but I am stronger than ever.  I know what love is, I lived it.  I have taken these months, to look at who I am and what I bring to the table.  I know what works in a relationship, and what doesn’t.  I have spent much quality time with me and I am in a relatively good place in my life.  I have so much to offer the right man.

For the sake of C&C, I hope R and his new love are happy, that she loves my boys as much as I did.

In my case, I love me now… as much as I loved them.




~ by cutefatgirl on March 28, 2011.

7 Responses to “Even if you see the bullet coming…”

  1. I’m so sorry. 😦 Heartache is the cancer of love.

  2. I have no words except that as much as you are hurting it would have been worse to stay and lose yourself with someone who did not deserve you!!! I cannot believe he is married. I cannot believe that he hurt you so badly and then karma did not kick his tush! I know it is evil to wish for karma to kick someone hard but I do in his case because you truly are an amazing person and a wonderful catch for some very lucky guy. I have no doubt that your Mr. Darcy will come along in your life when you least expect him and all those things you are to other people he will be to you. Sending love and hugs and happy thoughts your way!!! Have you ever read Sense and Sensiblity? Willoughby is Ryan…in so many ways…you will be happy Lisa…I just know it in my heart!

  3. Thanks ladies. I really want him to be happy… just jealous that I am not as well.

  4. I know how much you’re hurting and I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. My husband (ex) married the girl he was having an affair with the day our divorce was final. It gets better–I’ve been there.I know that sometimes that’s hard to believe but it does! About a year after my heart was ripped out I met a wonderful guy and we are now married with two kids…
    It will happen!!

  5. one of my most druken nights ever was the night that my former flame got married… not to me.

    i know how it feels.

  6. Saw you left me a comment, so I wanted to stop by and say Hi:-)

    Sounds like sort of a rough day (I have some back story to catch up on, clearly), and all I have for you is an e-hug from a stranger, but if that helps, then you can have more than one:-)

  7. It took me a year to get over the fact a long-ago Love was getting married to someone else.

    Now – I don’t really care – but when you hear it it feels like someone set off a tiny grenade inside your chest. Just because, at one time, it was supposed to be you.

    But I’m glad it’s not me, now.

    Congrats on being so effing STRONG.

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