a life updated.
It’s been a week or so and I have missed my blog. I have had so much to say, but have been avoiding it. How much to I want to put of myself out there. The reason I decided to keep this blog, was to have a place to vent my life. So here goes. I am pathetic, I am a girl, I am not ready for Christmas.
It’s a strange time in my life. I was getting all the rest of my stuff from life with Ryan last week. It was really really hard. Harder than I ever thought. To be places where we shared our life, without him, was like walking around with a giant bullet hole exposed. To make it more difficult, J went with me. Nothing like someone you dont really know seeing you at your absolute pathetic crying ugliest. That is exactly what it was. There was no pretty there. I cried, cried and then cried some more. He hasn’t even gotten to know me yet – he doesn’t know how fabulous I am. He sure knows I cried for hours over R. He also knows I am an ugly crier that’s why I can’t ever go on Oprah. Even when I write a best-selling book, I will have to skip it, cause I don’t want to look ugly on TV.
I hate that things ended that way it did, but I realized that I can’t stop it or change it. It’s time to keep on going with my life. I wish him and the boys a life filled with joy, love and luck.
I have spent the past week finding a new place to live. It’s been a comfy time at moms – to recover and heal and now it’s time to join the rest of the world. I hate the apartment hunting. I hate packing and sorting. Can’t I just close my eyes and wake up and be moved? Too many choices, they overwhelm me.
On top of this, CHRISTMAS IS IN 46 DAYS!!! How the hell did this happen? I am not ready. I haven’t even made my holiday list yet. I am so very behind.
Instead of doing all the things I need to do, I spent last night eating chinese and playing trivial pursuit at the dining room table. I don’t even like chinese. I need help. I also lost my ass at trivial pursuit.